Is your love tank full? What fills your love tank? What fills your spouse's love tank? Are you and your spouse trying to fill each other's love tank with the wrong ingredients?
Everybody has a love language, a way that they feel loved. It is amazing how finding out the ways your spouse feels loved and fulfilling that can revive a marriage. Do not forget. It goes both ways.
Words of Affirmation: Words to affirm other people
Quality Time: Actions speak louder than words
Acts of Service: Giving the other person your undivided attention
Physical Touch: Appropriate Touch
Receiving Gifts: To receive a gift
My husband and I took the Five Love Language Quiz before or shortly after we got married about a decade ago. We both had Physical Touch as one of our top two with Receiving Gifts at a zero. One might think that we had it made. But there was one kink in the 'had it made' scenario. My other top love language that was right up there with Physical Touch was Words of Affirmation. His score for Words of Affirmation was a one or zero.
When you and your spouse have different love languages, you may try to fill each other's tank with what you want not what they need. Sometimes when your love tank is depleted, you try to get them to give you what you need by giving that to them in abundance. I would tell my husband I loved him many times throughout the day. The problem was, he felt it didn't mean anything because it was overused. Due to it being 'overused', he said it to me even less than before. I began to feel unloved until we opened communication by me crying and getting all emotional on him. Then, he told me what he thought about those words. In that instance, we both had to change. I had to find other ways to "say" I love you, and he had to start saying I love you. You may think it was an easy fix; however, I tell you, both of us had to work hard at it. We still have to remain conscious about it.
I suggest you and your spouse take the quiz. You never know, your love tank may get filled today and/or you may fill your spouse's love tank :)
You could even quiz your children. Just as your discipline should be a bit curtailed toward the child so should filling his/her love tank. Child A may feel loved by a high five after getting a 100% on a test, while Child B feels loved after getting a sticker.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Quiz as PDF